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8. Rosetta Lee - In the Middle Years

Added Mar 13, 2017 •

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Middle School the neither are different identity theme for Middle School is I who am I do I have power where do I belong but there's no asteroid what happens if Middle School is a time when friendships are made and broken at the at a faster rate than any other time in their lives and what happens is you know the research researchers I wanted to ask this question because that what their friendship circles look like in elementary school is very different than what their middle school friendship groups looks like so from Zam fourth grade birthday party a lot of parents are like oh my gosh look at this name Clues  different skin Shades different religious backgrounds different neighborhoods there so love caring and supportive of one another diversity worse right United Colors of Benetton it's awesome what happen they're all looking the same dress the same like they all I say the same thing and believe the same thing and they're like Harmon copies what is why does phenomena have an inch out middle school is like making him breaking up friendships like really fast what's interesting is friendships across similarities so that they're similar to one another the friendships form a little faster and they break up a little slower cat and French's across difference forms slower and break up faster so it's not that they are trying to be exclusive is that in this like hubba making and breaking up friendship what happens to slow drift toward homogeneity now who they are by grouping with people right by hanging out with this group I'm trying out being athlete identity by hang out with that group I'm trying out like early whatever it is they're doing  and here's okay I'm there also really wine and clutch go bad because they're often associated with just girls and their associated with bullying that's actually in development told me that young people because what they want is independence they want to make their own  turn off all their own shots autonomy is actually more important to middle schoolers than high schoolers like a folder old wants more independence from adults okay her side because the 17 year olds can actually get away from you call their own shots put so scary to call your own shots going from my adults telling you what to do and like what to think and all that stuff to you calling your so what are you do you gather a group of peers think like you act like you believe the same things you do and have the same kind of taste and you what time would I prove and you practice Independence within that group and you can literally see click supporting each other middle school kids are all huddled up and one of those like I'm thinking about doing this and the other ones are like you should totally do that right and they go off and do it and they come back skin advisory  what is the same cocoon that they can move and in a healthy young people get practice at Independence with this Advisory Board to the point where they can feel like they can start making a dependent decisions on their own unhealthy clicks R1 my membership is police somehow or if you don't wear this type of clothing or you don't like this then you can't be in our group or faith members from starting to express their own independence right like how come you suddenly like you got to give that out they do want to be able to remain a part of this group or they start behaving in ways that they would never behave on their own because they feel this anonymity blister on healthy butt the kids of all mental but they tend to form cliques around very simplistic some similarity like are you the same race as Mary the same gender as me are you from the same neighborhoods because that's their shortcut and to who is like me so for me it's this notion of as at parents Guardians teachers how are we possibly teaching them that the way we identify is really calm next a multi-faceted and so and so for me it's it's this notion of making sure that we instill in our young people you know seems like you really care about them like activism or parent for animals or sports or you know manga or whatever it is there are ways that you find your people through lots of different ways race and ethnicity and cultural religious background of course those are important aspects of but part of it is not letting them think that that's the only way that they can find Cumberlands with their peers I hear you say it may be healthy way to do that would be that they may have a circle of this more diverse maybe then the group that they're seeing every day so they were talking about like an outside robot Explorer of a ballet class or something Sodexo shared interest yeah for me I think what time do young people especially if there are like a numerical minority in a group will tend to form unofficial clicks out of safety like because we're one of the very few like I I'm just going to hang out and what happens is the same set of kids sit together at the lunch table they're really afraid to like leave that identity and so that's why I'm also a big fan of The Finity group base work because like it like instilling positive sense of who a member of this group like my school for example has like the the Asian affinity group the African-American affinity group the banana split more like family structures that are not the traditional nuclear once adopted group lgbtq Alliance Group and groups the Jewish affinity group the kids come together to like find a sense of connection across similarities and game that sense of confidence around like I can I'm worthy and I feel I feel good and what's interesting is we have less Clicks in a cafeteria like there's more mixing in the cafeteria because we provide this like identity safe exploration space Shop-Vac creating more communication exactly because there's like some and it gives me the courage to certified Reach Out across difference because I know I'm worth in my daughter's old school this friendship Extinction affect and occurred in third grade and hand it had to do with some outside Sports things that everybody do but then once the kids got to third grade you saw the sporty spices and the artistic girl and then you know but I think what you're talking about is something I felt like wasn't there guidance to teach them even though got ugly because there was not and then you don't so anyway I just think that it's great to have those groups but it's  weather then you got to learn down naked people that are different than you know and then the other thing about the Friendship Extinction my daughter and her friend grew apart and and what I talked or was yeah because they have like the the mirroring of the romantic comedy in their heads for friendship right as soon as you meet them like you get along so awesome play right you have no conflict and you're just know, and it's just wonderful right and it's like relationships are right and people change and sometimes people change and grow together I sometimes people change and grow apart and that's part of life right and I can has a really important less sometimes I think in the efforts to protect our children's feeling so we sometimes like try to manipulate social lies and the reality is they need to turn both the beautiful and fun and magical lessons of friendship as well as some of the top parts  okay and be open to opening up their identity and being like accepting of their identity Place Middle School. I like try on different person what is arriving that sarcastic in they're going to be like they're going to try lots of different things what that feels like sometimes it'll stick and sometimes it won't sometimes middle schoolers when they engage in some like exploration there are actually like testing out allow them some Independence right if they're like can I dye my hair purple sometimes it's about there asking will you allow me to express my creative in the if they're like do I have to go to church anymore sometimes their question is like more along the lines of will you allow me to explore my own spirituality sometimes it is a very surface video Middle School but when they do I dummy plays like just be curious about where they're coming from like if they all of a sudden show up with like black hair and black lipstick and black nail like I'm like I'm noticing a different look here tell me about this why would you tell me what the hell interested like to communicate something and I want to make sure that I understand the message whose funeral are you going to that's part of their reality and try to be setting through the roller coaster in you're trying to coach more and teach Latin just know that from the moment that there I think about the progression from elementary school years the very young years to the high school years like they're transitioning from like dogs to cats right because of the didn't go like spend time with me pay attention to me like what is  how do you spell phenomenal and then by the time they're like in middle school high school there like turn off I will hang out with you but please don't approach me and that's what they do happened so I always think about if you got little ones you can do some explicit teaching and coaching and giving them verbiage and like telling them exactly what your values are that would be older like be reaffirming of where your family is and what your about the you know what you what you believe in and know that part of their thing is Daddy to push boundaries and your job is to be absolutely clear on where you stand so I'm sorry I ran over but I hope that was useful this is the website onto which I will post the on a slice and some and resources and such so feel free to access and yes thank you so much for your time

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8. Rosetta Lee - In the Middle Years

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